October 1st started off the way most of my days had been starting... panic that I missed my alarm clock, running out the door and JUST making it to where I had to be. After my brunch gig in Playa Vista was done, I went to my regularly visited LA Fitness next to Universal.
A few minutes into my work out I received multiple texts and phone calls from my good friend Tim. When we finally spoke he asked what my plans were for the evening and I told him I was actually going to go to church and invited him to join me.
ME... going to church. I heard the words leave my lips, but wasn't even sure I believed myself. I said countless times in the past few months that I'd go, but always found myself doing something else. I genuinely can't remember the last time I believed in ANYTHING, let alone found myself longing for a faith-filled community. But, Tim agreed to join me and that was it.. no turning back; the plans were made.
I showered and got ready in the gym's locker room and contemplated canceling our plans probably a thousand times, but I didn't.
As I drove to the church my heart was racing out of my chest and my blood pressure was through the flipping roof. The anxiety made me nearly turn my car right around a few times, but I just felt it in my bones that I had to go. So I did.
I arrived and anxiously waited for Tim to show up. We went inside and sat down and shortly after began worship.
Worship.. more like a rock concert filled with joy and praise and LOVE. My heart was so full and if that wasn't enough EVERYONE was singing along. I could've just died in that moment and been completely content, but what followed still gives me chills evening thinking about it.
The pastor, a man by the name of Erwin McManus got up and began discussing the first chapter of his newly released book "The Last Arrow". As the words came out of his mouth I literally felt them shoot through me and stick within me. Everything he said was not only relevant to my life's current situation, but it felt as though he wrote what he was saying directly about me. I had goosebumps all over.
The last five minutes I sat there with my eyes closed just taking in every aspect of the moment. It was in those five minutes that I felt my nana.
My name was pretty much the most religious person I had ever PERSONALLY known and the only reason I ever believed in anything PERIOD. After she past about three years ago that was the last straw for me. Any hope of me believing in anything or having faith was completely shattered out of spite, guilt and anger.
But there she was... in that room, in that moment... with me.
I began to cry and the girl, who had never been to that church before and I had invited to sit next to us, put her hand on my leg and told me that if it were an option I should get baptized.
WITHIN A MINUTE of her saying this, Erwin said to the room FULL of people that if any of us would like to accept God into our hearts and be baptized to simply stand up and go to the left.
MY MIND said "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT", but MY BODY was already in motion. My heart knew where it belonged and where it was going. So there I was in the back getting into used gym clothes that didn't belong to me and getting prepared to be baptized.
Up until the moment my body was submerged my face read the terror and nervousness that was inside of me, but as I rose from the water I felt... reborn, cleansed so to speak.
My heart and my body was just so.. full.
I thank God for Erwin and for MOSAIC because since that day I have felt a strength with my struggles that I have never felt before. I feel a love in my heart that I can't explain and I'm just beyond grateful and happy to say that I am a Christian.