When you ask someone why they drink the answer usually includes something along the lines of letting their guard down so they are able to enjoy themselves.
What's crazy to me is that for that same reason I knew I had to stop.
How can something be so different for different people, have the same effect but leave a fun and positive memory behind for one... yet create negative and self destructive memories for another?
I used to drink all the time.. to forget about things, to have fun, to let loose, to be social... but I realized that for so long I'd been using this as a tool to aid my bulimia. Something to knock down my wall of strength and falter my clear mind to then go on and misbehave with a "legitimate excuse" as to why I spent the rest of my night over a toilet.
Not only was this a crutch for my continued struggle, but it also was something I genuinely didn't even ENJOY to begin with.
I was never the type that NEEDED a substance to have fun and I used to pride myself on that fact.
I remember the last drink I had.. I was at a friend's house for a mini party with some wine and it was on my drive home that I thought to myself... I don't want to be this person anymore.. I don't NEED this person anymore.. I am better and stronger than this woman I've allowed myself to become.
Truthfully, quitting drinking has been the EASIEST bad habit I've yet to break and I feel so ALIVE and just happier than I had been in so long.
So here's to my continued and ongoing path to recovery and ever happiness. Alcohol and ED free.